I am broken.
I’ve never felt so low in my life. It seems that each degree or turn I make another domino falls in my path and trips me. It isn’t fair, is it? I know life isn’t meant to be easy, but I am trying to make my life better and I am trying to be happy… for once.
It’s as if my skin has been ripped off and all my muscle is exposed.
I need noise to compensate. Noise makes it impossible for the thoughts pushed back into my head to rush forward and bleed through my eyes and nose. The stress has been a lot to bear and I have been lucky this time around to have a wonderful companion to share it with. But I am always afraid it is too much.
This year has been hard. Too many things have transpired and it seems that the adversary has his hands in everything that is thrown into my face. I’d like to squash him like a bug. Scot’s favorite saying definitely applies here.
I harbor the pain in my chest. I keep it locked tight. Except… the quiet moments are a lock pick and the pain starts to seep through. I have to find more things to keep me occupied to exhaustion.
I’m afraid I would shatter if it happened otherwise.