Children

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The hardest thing…

Published August 24, 2014 by S. E. Myers

It is hard to let go, however, it is something that I will have to do. 10 months ago I had to ask my daughter and her fiance’ to move out of my home.  She constantly treated me terribly, disrespected me, and used her blog to say horrible things.  Here is her previous blog, just look at the archives from October through November of 2013 – http://lifewithjoeandmarshall.tumblr.com. But, apparently, I’m the one that is delusional.

After her latest post – http://marshallsmomma.tumblr.com entitle “Mother,” I’m done. I read her blog to see pictures of my grandson. I messaged her husband Joe because I want to see my grandson and to let them know that no matter what, they are family and if they needed a place, they wouldn’t be turned away. As a matter of fact, AFTER they moved if they would have EVER come and said that they wanted to move back in I would have let them. But they didn’t believe I would follow through with it according to one of her tumblr posts.

So, I am washing my hands. I am done. Everyone says she will come around but I can’t wait for that anymore. It hurts too much. She believes that everyone else put thoughts into my head but what she forgets is that her and I have had problems for a long time with the way she treated me and  the way she talked to Kathryn.

She never told me that Joe’s unemployment was running out, she never talked to me about “grown-up” things or really talked to me. She gave me attitude. Joe was the middle-man. He was the one that would diffuse the situation when we argued. I respected him for that.

The problem with lies is that the story continually changes. Her story does. She believes that Joe gave me a crap ton of money, he did not. She holds the car accident we were in over my head and believes that the money Joe got from the accident he gave all to me. He didn’t.  Does she realize that because Joe claimed  bodily injury I got more points deducted from my driver’s license? Also, I glanced at HER when the other car in front of me slammed on their breaks. Whatever. An accident is an accident plain and simple. It happens, get over it. I love her phrase “accident that YOU caused” – really? Like it was 3 car pile up and I was driving recklessly. No, I rear ended someone because 2 cars ahead an idiot decided last minute not to go through a light and I was already slowing down.

She forgets that I spent over a grand on her baby shower and I took care of her throughout her pregnancy. I forgave her when she dropped out of school after she didn’t pass the last block and had only the one left. When I was unemployed, I took her to and from that damn school. It ticked me off. She lived with me and didn’t get a job, didn’t go to school but I was her mother and instead of helping her, I enabled her. I should have kicked her out after she dropped out of school.

Aside from all this, I still have my youngest daughter at home and my son who lives with his dad. Illeana has harbored resentment toward her younger sister because she believes she never got into trouble. Not true. But she is going to believe whatever she wants to.

She was asked to moved out because I was done. I brought home Popeye’s chicken and didn’t get her text about boneless chicken. Kathryn was with us in the car and asked for chicken strips and so I got her some. I get home and all of a sudden Illeana flips out about chicken. Seriously. She  became unglued. It wasn’t the first time. She claims this is not the truth. That I had an ulterior motive that included in my husband and his children. She even posted this on a gofundme webpage because her and her husband were having financial problems. Maybe they should have saved more money and not gotten tattoos, I mean, that is the adult thing to do…put your needs last. I always put my needs last.

Yes, I knew my husband 3 months before we were married, but you know what…I  am 40 freaking years old. I knew what I wanted and when you know you know. We are happy and still in love and it has been amazing. He is amazing. ONE argument.  One. That is how many we have had.  Our marriage is healthy,  happy and thriving. Our children get along and love each other. Our household is filled with laughter and the occasional children squabble, but it is amazing.

I don’t know when she will allow me to see my grandson, but, I can’t think about that. I miss him and I love him. The day he was born was one of the best days of my life, aside from the birth of my own children and my wedding day. But, she also says I ruined for her because he had to be born on my schedule. Her doctor is the one that induced her. I didn’t make that decision.

She is going to point  blame in my direction for everything she has had to go through. She brought it all on herself. Maybe if she had apologized instead of continuing to perpetuate things, it would have been different. But she didn’t, she won’t and until she takes part of the blame upon herself, things won’t change.

I think that one of the most irritating things is her claim that I put her on the back burner, or rather her and her sister. She was 20 at the time. Really? Was she still supposed to be one of my children I had to take care of, or could she start being an adult already?

She’s my daughter and I will always love her, but for now, I have to let her go and move on.

Trying to get back in the swing…

Published February 26, 2014 by S. E. Myers

Trying to get back into the swing of things is a lot harder to do than to say you are doing.  I have had some personal changes in my life happen recently.

I married the love of my life on January 3rd. This included the integration and blending of our families.  He has 4 children and I have 3 (only 1 at home).  The house is rambunctious, fun, crazy, and it feels like home.  It’s hard to explain but after being single since 2005 and not dating anyone because I wanted to concentrate on my children, I was taken by surprise when Scot entered my life.

The unfortunte incident is that I lost my oldest daughter during this transition. Not lost in the sense of death, but lost in the sense that I had to ask her to move out because she was disrupting life. I gave her 30 days to move and had to stick to it.  I wouldn’t have, but she was posting nasty things about me on her tumblr page and it was just too hurtful to live with someone who didn’t appreiate the things that I was doing for her and her fiance’, and my grandson.  What is more hurtful is that she is now using him against me.  She is not letting me see him although I was there from the moment she found out she was pregnant through delivery and 6 months into his life.  I can’t even think about it – it cuts too deep.

Other than that, I am back to writing again.  Scot pushes me everyday.  I now have a tablet with a bluetooth keyboard to help me during times at work there is a lull and my brain begins to fire off.  I’m excited about my future and what is to come. I am happy that I have a family that loves me.  I love them dearly.  I love all of my children.

I have to just keep pushing along knowing that my Heavenly Father will guide and direct me and i have the love of my family to guide me.

and now for something personal…

Published October 16, 2012 by S. E. Myers

Typically, I try to stay away from true life events on my blog.  I figure that those that do read it are more curious about the next step in my book and possibly a sneak preview of the 2nd book.  Maybe.  Or I am fooling myself completely.

As a mother, I want the best for my children.  I try to be reasonable, accommodating, the voice of reason, a confident, disciplinarian, etc…  I’ve been a single parent since October 2000 when my ex-husband and I separated.  It truly has been me and my children.  I’ve been single since September 2005.  I tell myself I have spent the last seven years taking care of my children.

My efforts have been spent creating a career to support my family.  Then, in 2010, I lost my job because of the mortgage crisis.  I’d thought about writing years before that.  Wrote a screenplay, poetry, and whatnot but did not actively publish anything.  I didn’t have enough confidence in my ability as a writer.  I didn’t have enough confidence in my imagination to push through an entire book.  But that is beside the point.

For the past two years, I have struggled. My unemployment income was 65% of my prior income.  Because my job was off shored, I had the opportunity to go to school and get a degree with a Federal grant.  Or rather, a diploma in Business Administration.  I did that, graduating in April 2011 with a 4.0 and a diploma.  What does a diploma do?  Nothing.  So, I decided to continue my education.  At the same time, I started a temporary job.  For the past year, I have been working a full-time job and going to school full-time.  I also released a book and am now working on my second.  All of this, while trying to take care of my family.

I’ve missed things.  I really have.  I’m at a point in my life where I am not sure what I need to do.  My oldest daughter is 19 and has decided to drop out of her culinary school.  Now mind you, she isn’t quitting at the beginning, but rather the end.  So, 17k later, she has decided she hates it and is now starting a community college.  At least she is going to another school, but I think what is most disappointing are all the other secrets she is keeping from me.

In order to stay in touch with her, I have to read her tumblr.  What is that?

She says she is afraid to tell me because I’ll get mad.  Um, I get mad and upset because I care.  Isn’t that what parents do?  Am I supposed to smile and commend her.  Clap her on the back and congratulate her on growing a set of cajones?  I don’t think I would be doing a fair job as a mother if I did that.  I told her I get mad because I love her and am upset.  If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t say anything.  There are other things going on to continue my disappointment.  I sometimes wonder if I’ve done enough.

With parenting, you can’t ever tell.  I know that when I grew up, I wouldn’t have done or said half of the things that I hear.  Not necessarily from my own children.  There seems to be some sort of entitlement with this generation.

I did my best, I really did.  I will continue to do my best for her, my son, and my youngest.

She is an adult and needs to learn from her mistakes.  But it really hurts to watch her make them and not ask for advice.  It kills me a little inside